Before we dig in, let’s establish an operating principle:
You are a dignified being, worthy of love and respect- as you are, right now.
Do you believe that?
It is only when we allow this truth to illuminate & shade our self-perception- that we create attainable goals. Goals made of significance. Goals that encourage not overwhelm. Goals with small, realistic & enjoyable steps rather than forcing our bodies (more than likely, most resolutions unfortunately revolve around our physical form) or minds & practices to traverse large & I’d argue, dangerous chasms of the soul.
This deep seeded truth must be the inception point of any & all change if is to be effective, sustainable, long term & most importantly: life giving.
Our goals should be, in their largest sense, the continued alignment of our wants & our needs. Not the further separation of them.
Your body, your mind, your lifestyle these things make up your home. If you do not essentially define them as deserving, worthy & precious, you will be at odds with your very home & it will never feel safe. This lack of essential safety translates into discomfort. And for most of us, self loathing. Consequently, the driving force behind most resolutions is self-hatred and not self-love.
We have made a mess of this human process called “change”- inverted & destroyed it. We cannot & will not attain anything when we simultaneously focus finitely on the extreme goal apex & reproach ourselves at every turn.
This year, don’t let our performance-orientated culture take you victim. She will drown your voice in her own. Screaming: bigger, better & (worst of all) NOW. Under her weight, you meet the new year standing at the bottom of a frightfully steep mountain wall in an almost frantic sense of hurry & will end the year either exhausted & lacking vitality yet standing face-to-face with your supposed golden “goal” or, more than likely: cursing yourself, berating your mind & body, for not being innate climbers of the highest order- when that was neither our want, nor our need, to begin with.
Let’s stop operating out of that guilt-driven mentality, let’s stop chastising ourselves. Let’s operate from certain truth:
We are dignified beings. Worthy, here & now. Let’s firmly found whatever changes we seek out of WANT for a more vibrant life- not NEED (because of an unconscious sense of desolating inadequacy).
Here we listen to our nature, attuning focus to the seemingly small, current, every day choices to foster resolution. Here is where we work & affect change, here is where small choices empower. In realistic ways, we climb towards that end goal without stealing joy or requiring so much strict adherence that our lives become a slew of white-knuckled instances of restraint or worse, red-faced-force. Then, almost effortless, we afford ourselves the invaluable gift of reflection. We pause along the way- consciously looking back & optimistically looking forward. We celebrate the little victories. It is in these small gains that our changes build intrinsic motivation. They gain steam. They begin to perpetuate themselves. This is how we build new sustainable habits.
This new year- refused the self-fulfilling prophecy of failure that is the sheer & steep-faced cliffs compromised of unrealistic, malevolent goals & “grand resolutions”.
Rather, let’s start here: You are not broken. You lack not.
Cling to this truth & embark. Vibrantly, allow yourself to dream up prudent ways to walk steadily & courageously towards your highest self.
My hope is that your resolutions would strengthen & restore. Inspire, not dishearten. Lift, not scorn. Empower, not control. Foster, not force. To bring you safely towards consonance, the fortified melding of want & need.
Resolution [rez-uh-loo-shuh, noun]
(western tonal music theory)
: the move of a note or chord from dissonance (an unstable sound) to a consonance (a more final or stable sounding one).
Let’s stop operating out of a fear that we are not enough. Lift your head. Bring this falsehood into the light. Examine it. You will find it lacking.
Go. Look your new year in the eye & be brave: tell it that you are whole. Have it meet you there.
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